Have you ever experienced a moment where you couldn’t help but double take? Yesterday I was walking around the mall and I heard someone say something that cause me to literally stop and cock my head back towards them. This phrase not only stopped me dead in my tracks, but caused me to put aside my dislike of talking to strangers and ask, “What the hell are you talking about?” Of course this caught the two men who were having the conversation off guard and forced them to answer on the spot. The aforementioned phrase was, “Did you hear that the SLUT is screwing bicyclists?” Obviously if you aren’t up on Seattle news (like myself because I’ve been down in California for the past 4 months) then this statement would not make sense.
The South Lake Union Trolley, or SLUT, commenced operations today as the best named public transportation vehicle in the history of mankind (next to the White House Operational Recreation Elevator from the early 1800s). Unfortunately for bikers, the trolley’s route was mapped on top of many bike lanes in the South Lake Union area, thus sparring protest from the local bikers who commute to work. According to them, the SLUT is making it dangerous for them to ride to and from their place of business because the SLUT took their bike lanes and the tracks on which the SLUT rides could easily catch a bicycle tire in it. Early this morning, workers on the SLUT noticed that there were ball bearings in the tracks the size of golf balls. It is assumed that bikers from the protest late last night were the ones who left the ball bearings in the tracks, although no one has been issued blame for it. If the trolley would have hit these bearings, it is possible that the trolley could have derailed or the bearings could have shot out from under it either pegging a passing car or pedestrian, or shot up into the under carriage of the SLUT and caused thousands of dollars worth of damage.
The South Lake Union Trolley or SLUT.
So what kind of moronic taxpayer would be stupid enough to sabotage something they’d end up paying for in the future? The simple solution to that is the common bicyclist. We’ve all seen them, weaving in and out of traffic, flying past you while you wait at a traffic light only to pass them again momentarily having to give them a wide berth so you don’t accidently run them over. They have an utter disregard for the vehicles around them. According to the Washington State Motorized Vehicle Handbook, all bicycles should be treated as another car on the road and the bicyclists themselves should follow the rules of the road. But they don’t. The majority of bicyclists fail to signal when they wish to change lanes or making a turn. Sometimes they decide to cruise through an intersection when the light is red for them. Also, at times, they tend to ride on the sidewalk, which is reserved for pedestrians. Finally, the average commuting cyclist is an egocentric jerk, mostly by constantly praising themselves about how they’re not polluting the environment by driving a car.
Now back to the SLUT, which has finally been renamed the SLUS (South Lake Union Streetcar). Public transportation is needed in a large metropolitan area like Seattle. After visiting San Francisco numerous times, I’ve determined that public transportation is a necessity. The BART and MUNI are a great help to the people of San Francisco in commuting to and from work, thus they don’t have to bike through a dangerous city, pissing off drivers, and almost getting killed every day. In Seattle, we’ve had a monorail that never got off the ground, a bus system filled with the uneducated homeless (and that’s not just those who operate it), and now the SLUT. As Seattle’s population grows, so does the amount of commuters that drive into the city for work, and they shouldn’t have to be bothered by the bicycle menace. Not only are they pompous asses with no regard for those around them, they now are intent on destroying progress in public transportation in this city. But the real truth here is that cyclists just don’t want to share being environmentally friendly with those who ride public transportation. So to all those bikes out there, the SLUT is here to stay, and we’ll all be riding the SLUT all day and night.
Just for fun, go back and count the amount of sexual innuendos used in this rant.
Exreality 